We all want to be loved for whom we are. We all want someone that accept us as we are. We all want to be loved on our terms, and on our needs. We want to feel accepted nurtured and embraced. We all want intimacy with the one we love and care for.
The only way we can ever feel that is to allow someone into our safe personal space. To give up our boundaries that keep our heart safe. That keeps the monsters outside.
Imago says we look for someone like our caregivers as our relation partner. All of us come from broken relationships in our forming years we are all damaged one way or the other. Becuase perfection does not exist in the realms of human experience.
We are fed an illusion of what life and relationships should be like. A lot of that illusion is that it’s infatuation, not love relationships and hard work on an adult level.
We marry the illusion and divorce when we can’t find the illusion in our partners.
The love paradox lies in the fact that we can only love others as we love ourselves. Our love of self becomes a reflection of what we see and want for ourselves. And if we can’t give that to ourselves how can we expect others to.
The love that lasts is the love that sees us as more of our limited view of ourselves.
The ones that believe that we are awesome, great and the best thing they ever found. That’s the illusion, but they believe it. And they stick to that story.
Helen Fisher a relationship biologist says that the main reason for sustaining a loving and caring long term committed relationship is exactly that. Your partner agreeing to see you in a better light than what you see yourself and keep on doing that irrespective of the proof otherwise.
The contradiction of love lies in the fact that once we get to love ourselves enough we dont really need anyone to love us. Love then becomes a choice not a need.