My 11 year old daughter recently mentioned not once but twice, that she does not believe in LOVE. Now I dont know how she can make that decision as according to me she’s never been in love. So obviously it then comes from watching the adults around her and based on our inept efforts she decided this is not for her.
At first I was alarmed at how she can go through life with an attitude like that, then I realized maybe she believes in something different than what and how we are trying to do this love thing.
So I let her be,but it got me to thinking how and what is love for me and why irrespective of my best efforts its keeps eluding me.
I then had lunch with a friend and suddenly while she was speaking it made sense. Maybe that what I am looking for is not love in the way its portrayed on TV and in the books. At this stage of my life my need to lose my myself and immerse myself in another person is just not there anymore. Sex is mostly for recreational purposes and not to create that bond with another or procreate.
I am looking for comfort, understanding and camaraderie, sharing of space and time. But also not someone you need to continuously explain yourself to. I listen to people of my age and the need to have your own space and being by yourself to explore whatever it is that you want to is more important than when we were 20 or even 30.
So in our environment of isolation that technology has bestowed upon us we dont meet anybody in social environments anymore, so hanging out in bars and meeting people in public spaces and social gatherings are down to a minimum. Over 50’s has given up on love. We still have the hankering in our soul and in our spirit for love and connection, intimacy with another, but it seems to be a foregone conclusion that love will not find us again.
Another friend of mine went to Thailand for 3 weeks and got back with a brand new wife. Is that the way to find that what we are looking for? Do we sacrifice the connection and from what I observe intimacy of a culturally similar relationship for connection and not being alone with an at some level culturally alien person. Now as political insensitive as what that may sound, I dont think its easy having a relationship over cultural boundaries. I think there is a certain comfort in someone that understands your language and cultural quirks. Yet still that is an option for many men in the upper echelons of society. These woman are mostly younger and from previously disadvantaged countries. Now for me, I struggle with woman from my own cultural grouping, throw in language and cultural norms and suddenly this mix become positively tiring.
So In a long winded roundabout way I am trying to say, I get why more and more people of my age is single and living life by themselves, because, we have given up on love and just got on with living.