Old Love

The delusion of how and what love should look like is mostly propagated by the young. We hear of love that has been lost and a yearning to love like a child. Be overtaken by love.Fall blindly into love.

Recent research suggest that intelligent people is not necessarily good at relationships because of the inquisitive nature of how their minds work. They have the ability to project their fears and concerns into the future and thus rather stay out of a possibly long term negative situation.

Also with age I believe comes experience, partner selection is now based on previous experience one projects success of a relationship into future problems concerns and pain. So its easier, because all relationships fail at some level just to stay our of relationships.

We need love to make us blind, blind in love  so we can enter into a relationship that otherwise I dont think most people would ever enter into it voluntarily. Sometimes we also need love to get us out of a relationship we are not loved in at all. Scott Peck in his book ‘The road less traveled’ says, we need to drop our barriers to allow someone in if we dont we will never find someone good enough to break down our barriers. We need attraction lust and infatuation for us to drop our barriers to allow someone into who we are.

But as experience is gained (age besets you) one is more adapt at reading the blindness and still choose not get involved. I think in people of an older nature, maybe love needs to creep up on you and catch you unawares.

When one is younger lust, attraction and procreation is the driving forces for wanting to be with someone.But as the lack of sex drive and  common sense sets in I believe one start looking for different qualities.

I for one after my divorce thought I was 20 again in how I went about looking for a partner. As nice as it was, it by obvious deduction did not work out. With the prevalence of a 20 something media and advertising industry I should probably have known better. I did not. Caught up in this search and chasing after eternal youth, nights of lust the obvious result was disillusionment.

I see men my age and older buying into the 20 something dream, and woman waiting in the wings for them to grow u and take responsibility. I see more and more men in their 50’s wanting to act like their younger and virile contemporaries. In itself its not a bad thing, most are finding their inner Independence they never had while being a father and provider. Some men make it through this phase and become better  fathers and providers and also get in contact with their inner masculinity. Unfortunately there is some that is lost in that chase after youth and quick love.

Maybe older love is like a slow cooker, it cooks long slow and deep. Its gourmet food not fast food. I believe we love differently when we are older because we have lost some of the illusion of flash in the pan love. We might be alone longer but we also commit slower and deeper when we do.  We have been taught the benefits of patience. Also having been hurt before we are mostly more cynical about love. Thus more cautious

Inevitably one would like to draw comparisons which one is better or maybe more appropriate, I dont think one should do that. I think one needs to understand there is a difference, its not an either or process. Be happy with the one you find. Not the one that society tells you you should have.

Create the love that works for you, also know that love is not a singular thing, its the hand that holds you, the words that comforts you, the medicine when you sick, the cup of coffee in the morning,the chat before you fall asleep and above all, find the love that touches your heart as well as your soul.

 

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