I wanted to call this Blog “Losing yourself”, subsequent to that Sting’s song How Fragile we are played on the radio and it just hit a nerve on something related to our loosing ourselves and how fragile we are.
In the last few months I have been confronted with what people give up in the process of not being alone. I have seen people shove their self esteem in a dark recess of their minds so that someone will love and accept them.
Where did our fear for being alone come from, is it not our natural state, are we as collective souls so afraid of being by ourselves that we will do most things not to be alone, to be accepted, to be validated.
We are ever alone in the universe, we are in our most intimate relationships, still alone, we yearn for transcendence and intimacy, to escape our boring day to day lives. We walk back on our tracks searching for the last connection.
In some of my interactions with people in the past I have been less than honest in my dealings, with a goal of intimacy and connection that relieves the immediate neediness but replaces it with a crying emptiness that one qualify to one self as connection.
Our souls are fragile intricate and in need of serious protection.
When I joined the Ashram one of the tenants that one had to adhere to was to abstain from sexual misconduct. It has always been one of the more troublesome tenant’s for me to follow as I am quite fond of the physical. As the week progressed and I got confronted with my attachments in life this was one that stood out quite definitely. Sexual misconduct was correlated with compassion, and out of that a new another one do no harm or cause pain to a another
As my time from there has progressed these few basic tenants has haunted me as the physicality is such an attachment for me.
How we as humans decide to explore and live out our physicality is none of my business. But I have come to realize in the matters of the physicality we are more fragile than we think and sometimes the pain that gets transferred to us by people we choose to be physical with is masked with and by lust.
One of the most profound physical experiences I have had was a naked dance with a long term partner where our focus was on merging our energy touching without chasing the release. Inasmuch we think we can and do feed the lusty part of our beings the transference of energy and spirit is always more present than we want it to be. We harm the other in our neediness. The Tantra of our physicality is therefore built around serve and respect of the other. Its a practice of control of the self of the base needs into something transcendent and supportive of our spirit.
As much as we proclaim that short term physical relations don’t have an impact and we can manage and handle it I have come to realize we are more fragile than that. Me as an individual as I sit here tonight recognise that a lot of what I have been saying believing and doing around this has been flawed.
Our spirit is like a small bird that we cradle in our hands nurturing it so that one day its strong enough to soar. We don’t need to place ourselves in a cage to be loved, respected and validated.
We are free, loved and worthy. Even if it is only by ourselves.