In The meantime

I have been in an unforced hiatis the last few months, having lost my love, found my love and defining new boundaries for our relationship. Yes its going much better thanks 🙂

I have had a friend move in with me, him coming from a difficult time in his life. My ex has broken up with her live in boyfriend,  Left my budding bussiness as a divorce coach and is in process of starting a insurance company. As you can see life has been quite busy. Struggled with a neck spasm for the last 3 weeks that is unwilling irrespective of medication and physiotherapy to leave me. Another friend has gone through rehab that was in the process of decimating her life.

And in all of this i have realised, life goes on, we go with it, resisit it, or get swept up and out by it. We define not what happens to us but how we respond to it.

My friend is living with a cloud of depression over his head, swearing madness and all that goes with that. My instinctive response is get over it. But having more than one person im my circle that struggles with it, I know its never as easy as that. My girfriend is studying further and if I take a look at het scedule I would have depression, amazingly she is coping well, much to my delight. Knowing at some stage in her Chequerd life she also had the demon of depression hanging over her.

Round about the year 2000 I did a few courses in NLP ( neuro linguistic pogramming) at that stage quite a cutting edge area of psycology, it suited me and I found it illuminating and to me liking it mostlly because I have subsequently realised I like something cognative. Having a handle, a recipe a way to deal with things always helps me to make sense of how and what I need to do to help myself and the people around me.

My close friend is taking a stance that no form of medication and help from a psycologist will help him overcoming that to me standing on the outside is a serious time of questioning his own existence and life. Knowing from a close perspective that my Gilrfriend has also suffered from this dragon and is currently keeping it at bay without help or medication it is a possiblity it is something that can be done.

The major difference I am seeing between the two of them is the ability to enter that state and also how to recognise it and step out of it. Feeling depressed and alone and lonely is a trap its a pattern of behaviour that in times becomes comfortable till it is destructive. Isolating oneself for me at some lever exarsebates the problem and at some level that is all we want to do when we are in that state. Its never easy to understand whats first the chemical imbalance or the depressing thoughts and behaviour and in some way the pattern needs to be broken or life becomes a never ending slip slide down into your own form of hell.

I have thought at times that i can understand what being depressed means , and at soem level has found a way for me out of it, by having certain practices built into my repertoire of behaviour. One of that is not to take myself and where I am and what I feel at that stage too seriously. I have questioned the value, need reason for and willingness to live in my time and that was part of the reason for me feelinlife is a deep and dark pit.

Out of that I have built a repetoire of behaviours that make it Ok for me to feel ike that because I believe its very important, the trick though is not to get caught there. and here is some of my tricks because th emind should could and sometimes must be tricked into whant it to be or go.

1. Exercise

2. meditate

3. have friends

4. become social and

5. give out of your heart not money but of your time to other people.

For me we get caught in the search of meaning and substance of life. Effectively all you have is the now, the life you have out there outside your head. That unfortunately is the life you have.

Your life is th eway it is the way it is because of the decisions you take about it and where to take it.

My biggest fight in life has always been to be allowed to live my life the way I see fit.

Maybe thats it THIS IS MY LIFE

it is the way it is because of me. The decisions I made.

That also empowers me to make different decisions based on your skilss and knowledge levels.

But in th end this is what its about.

Your life , your decisions.

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