Lament on Love

I have been going through an extended breakup the last few months. It is with someone that I think I want to love for the rest of my life. That is a decision I made. According to her, she loves me. I love her I tell her, then  why are we breaking up you might rightfully ask. I have been divorced for 4 years and the pain of that has made me guarded about loving again. Sharing my life again with someone filled me with fear. So I made all the right noises but never committed to love or the person I was in relationship with. I then got caught out on my my lack of commitment and what did I do? I fought with her and told her she was wrong and I had a whole stack of reasons why and how I am serious about us  andin that time all I did was disguise the real issue, my lack of commitment. Bottom line , LOVE was staring me in the face and I turned my back on it. So I have been without THE love for the last few weeks. In that time I have thought long and hard on what love and relationships mean for me. 1. Our need for instant gratification is killing love. It must be an immediate fit or its not love we need it now and in my way or not at all. 2. There is a balance one needs to walk between showing your love fot the person and harassing that person also invading their privacy and respecting their space 3. We dont want to work for love We expect it to just be there 4 With the advent of internet dating , there is always someone else to fill the gap of love with some sort of distraction.  5. We dont wait and work at love . We perceive that we are wasting our time waiting for love, love someone else in th emeantime.  6. We cant wait for love anymore we need to fill the space with someone and something 7. There is the fear of missing out, now an actual psychological term FOMO. The world is made up of a myriad of possibilities and distractions. And we are so fearful that we will miss out on something. Unfortunately that view is always going to lead to a very superficial view on everything,also the person you are wanting to love. 8. Mastery takes time and commitment. To be good at love and good at loving a person takes time and practice. You hear wonderful stories of sportspeople that were good at a few sports and then had to choose one to become a master in. You cant be good at loving a few people in the same way. Loving someone takes commitment and dedication and above all commitment,to the one. 9.Love is a team sport. Its way better doing it with someone. Literature is filled with poems and letters of love missed love lost and a lover pining for a absent lover. The absence of the object of my love does not change my love. First prize is always the reciprocation and joined effort working at a love that is shared and made bigger. Together building a meaningful life made up of love and caring. . But absent love teaches us to love in an adult way to be in love and be alone It shows that I can be with you and no one else but also alone with myself. It shows the depth and level of your love. I dont have to speak with you everyday and every moment of the day, there is an ease and comfort a sense on knowing a sense of being. I can hear in the background you saying, but what if she is not the Right one. You will never know if the other one is the right one till the love is not there. Your love can be laughed at, scoffed at but in the end its your love its you that is loving. The object of your love if they feel the same love can share or they dont have to. But it wont disappear. I lament the loss of a deep and soulful view on love. If there is someone that can wait 10 years for the opportunity to show the  love they have to the person they love and it is reciprocated, That must be bliss.  Love is helping you and your beloved to a soulful resting place in your own hearts. The absence of depth and soul in our love has forced us to degenerate love to a pseudo making love. But LOVE is more than that its enduring and silent and content and at peace. Love is a partnership, there is always a lover and the object of the lover. The lover and beloved is more when they share and work at the same love. That connection that level of commitment that level of caring and compassion changes us, it makes us move out of ourselves and make us more than just ourselves. We become LOVERS in the real sense.

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