Gender and Conflict

Is there is difference how men and how woman deal with conflict. I find in the mediations that I do with couples there is a distinct difference how they approach the mediation as well as conduct them in the mediations.

Women tend to be more comfortable in sharing their frustrations and fears than men seem to be. Men are more direct in their approach to dealing with the conflict in a direct way. Men want to solve the problem and move on with a solution that seems the best at this moment in time. A woman wants to discuss the feelings that might have caused the conflict before looking at a solution. Women are more open to discuss alternative before deciding on a outcome. Men just want to solve the problem and move on.   Woman want to find out that everybody is comfortable in the solution and that nobody would be   discomforted by the solution. When couples get to that phase in their relationship there is two comments that I have heard more often than not, woman telling me that the husband does not listen and the men telling me he is tired of listening to her nag. When that starts happening men disappear. They just don’t get involved with her. She sees him disappearing, and that’s when she follows him because she needs to let him know about her feelings. He just sees her coming and runs faster and further. It seems we are genetically designed to communicate differently. Men don’t stop to ask directions because it would be bad for their image as protector and provider. Women always ask directions because they are not afraid to be seen to be lost because getting there is more important than looking foolish.

It is an age old adage that men give intimacy to get sex and woman give sex to get intimacy. Research suggests that after sex men want to sleep and carry on with life. Women after sex would like to chat and bond with their partner. This is a very good example of how the different genders relate to conflict. Men want to do something about conflict solve it and move on woman would like to discuss it and design a solution organically.  Although this is a generalization it can serve as a easy way to demonstrate our general approach to conflict.


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