Having had a N.D.E. (Near Death Experience) in the late 90’s made me realize life in itself are made up of and consists mainly of relationships. We are as individuals always engaged in some kind of relationship. As the popular culture a while ago has demonstrated “emotional intelligence” consists to a large extent of relational skills.
Today I want to write of my exploration into relationships and that what I call Way Of Water or just WOW. In the next blog I will talk about and discuss some relational skills. Part of why I like relationships is that I find in relationships a metaphor for some of the values that I would like to instill or incorporate into my life. Relationships for me consists of values. Values create rules of engagement, it tells us who and whom to allow into our close space. values also create expectations. So by looking at people and based on their behavior we can then determine if their values is similar to yours.
If we take relationships as a broad category of human interaction, and categorize it then we can identify three basic types of relationships that we get into. I will now discuss them each separately and then bind them together in a unity that I call Balance.
1. Relationship with yourself.
This is mostly an internal process and also the arena that psychologists make their money. When we are born we are born with potential based on the input from our DNA that we received from our parents. Our potential are then put into practice by the kind of parents we have and the environment we get exposed to. This is where we start of with all relationships, at base state we worry about hunger and safety. My area of specialization is values so for me this is where the Core values are imprinted into your malleable mind, determining to a large extent who and what you will become based on what the activators in your potential is. It seems that by the age of about 7 that process starts to diminish.
2. Social relationships.
So as we grow up we realize we are not alone on this planet that we chose, the first people we relate with are our parents and siblings. these are then increased by nieces and nephews and later school and work. This is the first time we get to externalize that what we got to learn at step 1. Here we start to form our second set of values those that help us manage our external realities. Our values become not as personal and more aligned with what is happening in one’s surroundings and culture. Friends and and associates start to influence us and our behaviour. We realize what worked at home does not necessarily work out here in the broad wide world. Se we have to adapt and change our values to fit a broader audience
3. Transcendental relationship
This relationship is different to the others in that is a vertical relationship. It is a relationship with a Higher being, God or whatever name a person would like to ascribe to that force. The relationship we have with nature the universe and the unexplained, lies within this arena. This is where we experience a sense of awe. There is a variety of ways one can see and interpret this, but at the end of the day most humans have the inclination and want to believe in something bigger,better and smarter than themselves. In this relationship we determine how we will relate to things that we don’t expect to be of influence in our lives in a direct manner. its almost our creator space, that what made us what we are.
Balance for me is having those three types of relationships ever present in your day to day activities. To create a balanced human being there needs to be a understanding and acceptance of all three and the values that drive it in one’s life.
If one is too self centered the relationship with others and God will suffer because then one makes the self more important than the other two. So with the transcendental relationship, if a person becomes to “holy” the other relationships suffer because of that.
Balance is when all three of those relationship are in balance and of equal importance in your life. Superficiality is a lack of a vertical relationship and the imposing of the self over the other two. Because I am a firm believer in values , balance will be created when one is aware what the values are in all three of these relationships and live accordingly.
Way of Water is a metaphor for having and being in balance with yourself. Water always seeks a level, a balance. Life like water goes through phases, sometimes its a rapid sometimes its a lazy meander over a flatland. If one is in balance with the three relationships mentioned above one should be able to withstand most of what life throws at you.